Call time: 7:00am, Location: Panorama City, CA
I have been booked as a GUEST. To be precise a guest at a Quinceañera. For those not in the "know" it is the Latin equivalent of Sweet Sixteen. However, us Latins believe girls become "women" one year earlier, when they turn 15.
Anyway, this will be a Mexican Quinceañera so today I get to be Mexican. The wardrobe: party attire but not too dressy, nice Church dresses. I will assume that means nothing revealing, nothing gaudy. No problem. I got that.
Pack my bags and head out to Panorama City. This is great, the location is not too far from where I live. The weather is a bit chilly this morning. Panorama City is sort of in the center of the San Fernando Valley so the mornings are chilly, but the days really heat up. Today promises to be a picture perfect "Valley" day.
I arrive at Crew parking and am immediately shuttled to Base Camp a few blocks away. It's my understanding that we are cheating the location for a small town in Mexico. We arrive at Base Camp which is also the actual set. Wow! They did an amazing job scouting locations because this place looks like it could be a market in Mexico City. You got it all; Tortilla stands, sombrero carts, pottery stands, all authentic Mexican ware, and everything is in Spanish. Fantastic! Even I think I'm in Mexico. I love show business!
I go over to wardrobe and show them my church dresses. They love them. They decide on a nice linen dark red dress and the accessories. Great, everything is going wonderfully. Then the wardrobe woman hands me a cashier's vest, like the kind you see employees at Lowe's or Home Depot wearing. She says, "keep your street clothes and just throw the vest over your sweater." I have just learned that I will also be a VENDOR. Great! That means I'll be in the first shot and the later shot of the day...it's looking like overtime $$$$.
We are then called to the set. I am given my cart. It is a potpourri of things; lighters, magazines, kid's toys, stuffed animals, chips, sodas, etc. I attempt to pick up a magazine but I realize that everything is either glued on or stapled on to the cart so the wind won't blow it away. The only things not stapled down are the Twinkies. Okay, no problem. I'll sell the Twinkies. I then notice that next to my cart is a stand with clay pottery piggy banks that have been beautifully hand painted. On the other side of that stand is a huge flower display, all types of flowers, silk flowers to be exact, remember, we are just cheating everything to look real.
I am given my instructions by the PA. I am to sell the Twinkies to my fellow BGA's who are playing PEDESTRIANS. I got that. The star of the show comes on set, so does the other actors in the scene. They rehearse their lines. All looks good.
The 1st Assistant Director (AD) yells, "BACKGROUND...ACTION!"
A PEDESTRIAN comes over. She looks at my cart. I show her my Twinkies. She smiles and mimes, "I'll take two." I smile back and mime, "2 pesos" (I have NO idea what the value of the peso is or how much a Twinkie costs). She hands me pretend money and leaves..."CUT!"
We stop. The Director calls over the 1st AD (Assistant Director). They talk. The 1st AD tells the PAs that Background (that would be us), needs to be busier. The PA comes over to me, "You'll be at the Twinkie cart then I'll send over some people to the piggy bank stand, you'll sell them the banks as well." I got that.
1st AD, "BACKGROUND...ACTION!"
I sell my Twinkies, then I turn to my right and see a man standing by the piggy banks. I go over and sell him a bank. We smile..."CUT!"
1st AD, "Needs to be busier!"
PA, "Okay, you'll sell the Twinkies, then the piggy banks then you'll go over to the flowers and sell those too." I got it.
Here we go again. 1st AD, "BACKGROUND...ACTION!"
I'm selling the Twinkies, I'm selling the piggies, I run over and start selling the flowers..."CUT!"
1st AD. "Busier! I need more crosses. I want Background to cross in front of the actors. It's got to look like a busy market."
PA comes over to me and says, "After you sell the flowers, you'll cross to the other side of the market, wait a few beats, then cross back to the flowers." I got it.
1st AD, "BACKGROUND...ACTION!"
I'm selling the Twinkies, I'm selling the piggies, I'm selling the flowers, I'm walking across the market...one...two...three...I'm walking back to the flowers, oh, I see people at the piggies, go sell the piggies, more Twinkies..."CUT!"
You've got to be kidding me!
1st AD, "That was great! Now do exactly what you did before, but quietly."
WHAT? QUIETLY? No problem, just tip toe...but don't look like you're tip toeing. We're professionals. We can do it.
Here we go again. 1st AD, "BACKGROUND...ACTION!"
Twinkies, piggies, flowers, tip toe over the market...one...two...three...tip toe back to the flowers, piggies, Twinkies, more piggies, more flowers, tip toe over the market....
Several hours later, I had sold about 500 Twinkies, 50 Piggy banks and enough flowers to adorn a float at the Tournament of Roses Parade, hypothetically of course, remember, this IS make believe.
"LUNCH!"
After a very delicious lunch we are back at holding. Holding is a large banquet room with many tables and chairs. We've been told to change into our next outfit and wait. They are setting up the party scene. I'm sitting at a small table with a full belly and a nice hot coffee. I take out a crossword puzzle to pass the time away. A few minutes into the puzzle, I'm bored. I look around and briefly lock eyes with a man in his late 40's who's also sitting by himself a few feet away from me. He has an open book in his hand. I smile and ask, "what are you reading?"
Now, have you ever wanted to take back a moment in time? Yes? Well this would later prove to be "the moment" for me. Friends, the following ACTUALLY transpired.
The man gets up from his chair and comes over to my little table. He sits down and shows me the book. It is The Bible, in French. I say, "Vous parlez Français?"His face lights up like a Christmas tree, "Oui, oui, vous aussi? I continue to engage this conversation in French for a short period because, well, frankly, I was bored and I wanted to practice my French. I ask him if he was French. He is not. He is from South America. I ask him why has he chosen to learn French and why is he reading The Bible in French. He tells me, he wants to be a missionary in South America. Huh, okay, but why French? There is only one French speaking country in South America. It is called French Guiana. I find it strange he would go through all the trouble of learning a new language to be a missionary in a tiny country.
But I ask him anyway. He says no, he's not going to French Guiana. Then again, why French? He says, "why not?" I say, "well I asked why were you learning French and you said because you wanted to be a missionary. I then assumed you were intending on going to a French speaking country." Logical, no? He doesn't respond. Instead, he remains slightly transfixed, as if he ACTUALLY had to think about it.
Finally, I decide it would be best to drop the whole French thing, so I say, "Anyway, it's very noble of you to want to be a missionary." This folks, is when I truly wish I could have gone back in time.
He says, "God told me to." I said, "You mean, being that you are Christian your calling is to spread the Word of God." He says, "No, God told me to. Literally. He came to me and told me be a missionary." I'm thinking, like you, he's cuckoo bananas. But wait, it gets better. He then proceeds to tell me the following story. When he was 15 years old he died. He died for 1 hour, during which God came to him and told him he would never die. He would live forever. Then miraculously he came back to life.
I (because at this point I see no way out of this vortex, I'm just letting it spin out of control), say to him, "Well, Christians believe we never really die. Our souls continue in Heaven." He says, "No, I'm never going to die. Literally." I say, "You mean to tell me you are immortal?" He bows his head in reverence...to himself I guess.
Meanwhile, a young man is sitting just a table away. He's playing around with his iPhone but has obviously been listening to our conversation. He looks up at me and is trying to contain his laughter.
Just then, the man tells me he needs to take his medication. He furthermore, elaborates that he can never be without it. I ask him why, does he have a serious heart condition? He says, "I'm schizophrenic."
No? Really? I never would have guessed.
The young man can't contain himself anymore. He decides to join the conversation. He asks the man, "Do you think your schizophrenia is the reason you think God came to you and said you would never die?"
I'm sitting there thinking, "DANGER!! RED LIGHT!!!! SHUT UP KID, HE'S A SCHIZO THAT HASN'T TAKEN HIS MEDICATION YET!!!!"
At that moment, the man gets up, walks over to the kid, opens up his Bible and reads a passage, a passage that had nothing to do with the conversation or anything else for that matter. He finishes, closes the book and very calmly walks away.
The kid and I stare at each other. We have become figures in a virtual Daliesque world. I'm mesmerize, the kid shrugs his shoulders, says, "what a nut" and goes back to his iPhone.
"BACK TO THE SET!"
For the rest of the shoot I played a game of "hide from the schizo" since the PAs were pairing people off as couples. Wherever, he was, I was on the other side of the room.
We wrapped around 9:30pm (overtime, yay!!!) I handed my vest back to wardrobe, I took off my church dress and threw on my jeans. Yellow voucher in hand, I signed out, took the shuttle back to my car and drove home. When I arrived home my husband asked me how it went. I smiled and said, "Just another day on the set."
Bonne nuit mes amis! A bientôt!
Anyway, this will be a Mexican Quinceañera so today I get to be Mexican. The wardrobe: party attire but not too dressy, nice Church dresses. I will assume that means nothing revealing, nothing gaudy. No problem. I got that.
Pack my bags and head out to Panorama City. This is great, the location is not too far from where I live. The weather is a bit chilly this morning. Panorama City is sort of in the center of the San Fernando Valley so the mornings are chilly, but the days really heat up. Today promises to be a picture perfect "Valley" day.
I arrive at Crew parking and am immediately shuttled to Base Camp a few blocks away. It's my understanding that we are cheating the location for a small town in Mexico. We arrive at Base Camp which is also the actual set. Wow! They did an amazing job scouting locations because this place looks like it could be a market in Mexico City. You got it all; Tortilla stands, sombrero carts, pottery stands, all authentic Mexican ware, and everything is in Spanish. Fantastic! Even I think I'm in Mexico. I love show business!
I go over to wardrobe and show them my church dresses. They love them. They decide on a nice linen dark red dress and the accessories. Great, everything is going wonderfully. Then the wardrobe woman hands me a cashier's vest, like the kind you see employees at Lowe's or Home Depot wearing. She says, "keep your street clothes and just throw the vest over your sweater." I have just learned that I will also be a VENDOR. Great! That means I'll be in the first shot and the later shot of the day...it's looking like overtime $$$$.
We are then called to the set. I am given my cart. It is a potpourri of things; lighters, magazines, kid's toys, stuffed animals, chips, sodas, etc. I attempt to pick up a magazine but I realize that everything is either glued on or stapled on to the cart so the wind won't blow it away. The only things not stapled down are the Twinkies. Okay, no problem. I'll sell the Twinkies. I then notice that next to my cart is a stand with clay pottery piggy banks that have been beautifully hand painted. On the other side of that stand is a huge flower display, all types of flowers, silk flowers to be exact, remember, we are just cheating everything to look real.
I am given my instructions by the PA. I am to sell the Twinkies to my fellow BGA's who are playing PEDESTRIANS. I got that. The star of the show comes on set, so does the other actors in the scene. They rehearse their lines. All looks good.
The 1st Assistant Director (AD) yells, "BACKGROUND...ACTION!"
A PEDESTRIAN comes over. She looks at my cart. I show her my Twinkies. She smiles and mimes, "I'll take two." I smile back and mime, "2 pesos" (I have NO idea what the value of the peso is or how much a Twinkie costs). She hands me pretend money and leaves..."CUT!"
We stop. The Director calls over the 1st AD (Assistant Director). They talk. The 1st AD tells the PAs that Background (that would be us), needs to be busier. The PA comes over to me, "You'll be at the Twinkie cart then I'll send over some people to the piggy bank stand, you'll sell them the banks as well." I got that.
1st AD, "BACKGROUND...ACTION!"
I sell my Twinkies, then I turn to my right and see a man standing by the piggy banks. I go over and sell him a bank. We smile..."CUT!"
1st AD, "Needs to be busier!"
PA, "Okay, you'll sell the Twinkies, then the piggy banks then you'll go over to the flowers and sell those too." I got it.
Here we go again. 1st AD, "BACKGROUND...ACTION!"
I'm selling the Twinkies, I'm selling the piggies, I run over and start selling the flowers..."CUT!"
1st AD. "Busier! I need more crosses. I want Background to cross in front of the actors. It's got to look like a busy market."
PA comes over to me and says, "After you sell the flowers, you'll cross to the other side of the market, wait a few beats, then cross back to the flowers." I got it.
1st AD, "BACKGROUND...ACTION!"
I'm selling the Twinkies, I'm selling the piggies, I'm selling the flowers, I'm walking across the market...one...two...three...I'm walking back to the flowers, oh, I see people at the piggies, go sell the piggies, more Twinkies..."CUT!"
You've got to be kidding me!
1st AD, "That was great! Now do exactly what you did before, but quietly."
WHAT? QUIETLY? No problem, just tip toe...but don't look like you're tip toeing. We're professionals. We can do it.
Here we go again. 1st AD, "BACKGROUND...ACTION!"
Twinkies, piggies, flowers, tip toe over the market...one...two...three...tip toe back to the flowers, piggies, Twinkies, more piggies, more flowers, tip toe over the market....
Several hours later, I had sold about 500 Twinkies, 50 Piggy banks and enough flowers to adorn a float at the Tournament of Roses Parade, hypothetically of course, remember, this IS make believe.
"LUNCH!"
After a very delicious lunch we are back at holding. Holding is a large banquet room with many tables and chairs. We've been told to change into our next outfit and wait. They are setting up the party scene. I'm sitting at a small table with a full belly and a nice hot coffee. I take out a crossword puzzle to pass the time away. A few minutes into the puzzle, I'm bored. I look around and briefly lock eyes with a man in his late 40's who's also sitting by himself a few feet away from me. He has an open book in his hand. I smile and ask, "what are you reading?"
Now, have you ever wanted to take back a moment in time? Yes? Well this would later prove to be "the moment" for me. Friends, the following ACTUALLY transpired.
The man gets up from his chair and comes over to my little table. He sits down and shows me the book. It is The Bible, in French. I say, "Vous parlez Français?"His face lights up like a Christmas tree, "Oui, oui, vous aussi? I continue to engage this conversation in French for a short period because, well, frankly, I was bored and I wanted to practice my French. I ask him if he was French. He is not. He is from South America. I ask him why has he chosen to learn French and why is he reading The Bible in French. He tells me, he wants to be a missionary in South America. Huh, okay, but why French? There is only one French speaking country in South America. It is called French Guiana. I find it strange he would go through all the trouble of learning a new language to be a missionary in a tiny country.
But I ask him anyway. He says no, he's not going to French Guiana. Then again, why French? He says, "why not?" I say, "well I asked why were you learning French and you said because you wanted to be a missionary. I then assumed you were intending on going to a French speaking country." Logical, no? He doesn't respond. Instead, he remains slightly transfixed, as if he ACTUALLY had to think about it.
Finally, I decide it would be best to drop the whole French thing, so I say, "Anyway, it's very noble of you to want to be a missionary." This folks, is when I truly wish I could have gone back in time.
He says, "God told me to." I said, "You mean, being that you are Christian your calling is to spread the Word of God." He says, "No, God told me to. Literally. He came to me and told me be a missionary." I'm thinking, like you, he's cuckoo bananas. But wait, it gets better. He then proceeds to tell me the following story. When he was 15 years old he died. He died for 1 hour, during which God came to him and told him he would never die. He would live forever. Then miraculously he came back to life.
I (because at this point I see no way out of this vortex, I'm just letting it spin out of control), say to him, "Well, Christians believe we never really die. Our souls continue in Heaven." He says, "No, I'm never going to die. Literally." I say, "You mean to tell me you are immortal?" He bows his head in reverence...to himself I guess.
Meanwhile, a young man is sitting just a table away. He's playing around with his iPhone but has obviously been listening to our conversation. He looks up at me and is trying to contain his laughter.
Just then, the man tells me he needs to take his medication. He furthermore, elaborates that he can never be without it. I ask him why, does he have a serious heart condition? He says, "I'm schizophrenic."
No? Really? I never would have guessed.
The young man can't contain himself anymore. He decides to join the conversation. He asks the man, "Do you think your schizophrenia is the reason you think God came to you and said you would never die?"
I'm sitting there thinking, "DANGER!! RED LIGHT!!!! SHUT UP KID, HE'S A SCHIZO THAT HASN'T TAKEN HIS MEDICATION YET!!!!"
At that moment, the man gets up, walks over to the kid, opens up his Bible and reads a passage, a passage that had nothing to do with the conversation or anything else for that matter. He finishes, closes the book and very calmly walks away.
The kid and I stare at each other. We have become figures in a virtual Daliesque world. I'm mesmerize, the kid shrugs his shoulders, says, "what a nut" and goes back to his iPhone.
"BACK TO THE SET!"
For the rest of the shoot I played a game of "hide from the schizo" since the PAs were pairing people off as couples. Wherever, he was, I was on the other side of the room.
We wrapped around 9:30pm (overtime, yay!!!) I handed my vest back to wardrobe, I took off my church dress and threw on my jeans. Yellow voucher in hand, I signed out, took the shuttle back to my car and drove home. When I arrived home my husband asked me how it went. I smiled and said, "Just another day on the set."
Bonne nuit mes amis! A bientôt!
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